Sons of Silence
by jezzeria
Summary: Edward, Bella, Jasper and Alice believe in white supremacy after years of misjudged actions. How many lives will they destroy before they finally destroy their own? Very Mature Content. Please read disclaimer before reading. AU AH OOC
1. Anarchy

**Sons of Silence**

**PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE CONTINUING **

**EXPLICIT WARNING: Controversial topics will be discussed in this fic, such as but not limited to; RAPE, RACISM, VIOLENCE, DRUGS, SEX, NEO-NAZIS {aka SKINHEADS} HOMOSEXUALITY. **

**Please be forewarned of such events. While I appreciate critical reviews, I do not appreciate flamers, nor will I respond to any flamers. Flaming, for all who do not know, are those who know of the events beforehand, or intentionally try to bash an author for their story. If you do not like it don't read it, I have forewarned you here. If any of you have to give up midstory I will totally understand. This is definitely going to be a story of controversy. **

**Also please note the Sons of Silence is a biker gang and while they can be associated with Neo-Nazis and white supremacy, they are in no way associated with this story. I am just using the name because I like it and believe it will serve as a big purpose later on in the story. **

**The intentions of this story is to be informative, but all the events and topics discussed are entirely fictional. I DO NOT endorse or condone any of the behaviors that may be portrayed in my story. **

**Thank you Camoozle for holding my hand through the controversial controversy {haha}. **

**Characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer, the Twilight God. **

**Once again, you have been warned.**

**Racial Slurs ahead, ahoy matey!**

* * *

EPOV

"WOO!" Bella screamed her torso half hanging out the window as we barreled down Second Street in Reece City, Alabama. The street looked as though it were deserted despite the fact that it was the middle of the day. We were cruising in Jaspers 1968 Chevelle, it was his prized possession. She was a beautiful dark blue, and Jasper often referred to her as Charlotte. He said he called her that because he had heard once his birth parents were from Charlotte, North Carolina.

"Bella get your ass back in here," Alice yelled over the blaring rock music emitting from the stereo. Alice laughed at Bella as she tugged unconvincingly on her shirt trying to coerce her to return to the vehicle.

"But I feel so free!" Bella shouted back as the air tousled her short black hair. Bella's hair was normally longer, but after losing a bet that she and Alice couldn't out drink Jasper and I, they were both forced to cut their hair as short as possible and dye it black. Suffice it to say both girls actually wore it extremely well, and tend to wear it spiked out. It gave them more of an edgy look, Jasper could help but jab at the girls after it was done that now they looked less like Aunt Jemimah. Of course both girls were pissed at that, who would want to be compared to a nigger?

"Come help me drink this at least," Alice offered before taking a large swig from the bottle of whiskey she had produced from her bag.

"Alright bones, give me that," Bella said taking the bottle from Alice and downing nearly a quarter of it.

"That's my girl," I cheered loudly, throwing my head back against the seat in amusement.

Bella grabbed my face as she maneuvered herself towards me into a kiss. Her lips tasted of cherry chapstick and her tongue was bitter from the whiskey. The combination of the two made my eyes roll back into my head.

Bella released my face as Jasper hit the gas causing us to lurch forward. I laughed, my head still leaned back as I watched Bella take another swig. Grabbing my face once again she lunged forward and I felt the hot liquid rush down my throat as Bella's tongue caressed my own. The alcohol burned my nose from the awkward angle and I smacked my lips appreciatively reveling in the taste.

Jasper laughed as he pounded my chest with his palm, indicating for me to take the wheel. Alice grabbed Jaspers head as Bella had done to me and proceeded to pour whiskey straight from the bottle down his throat.

"Down the hatch," he yelled before cranking the music up even louder. The girls behind us both stuck their heads out the windows screaming and laughing as we drove down the street.

Looking at the site around me I realized I was living the life.

* * *

Bella and I had been together since we were 12. Well, if you wanted to count my suave 6th grade move of shoving Bella into the dirt and shouting, "You're my girlfriend now!", before running away.

But Bella hadn't taken my actions quite as harshly as some girls would have. We'd been together ever since. It seemed like we'd been through everything together. When Bella's father was killed by a nigger while waiting at a stop light, I was there to see Bella through it. The guy just came up and sliced Bella's dad's neck, for no reason. Didn't take his money or shit, just did it because he was a fuck just like everyone that wasn't like us. Or like when my mom lost her job so some poor nigger woman could get it to feed her little nigglets, Bella was there for me. It didn't matter that my family went hungry for days, no, not as long as the "minority" was taken care of. So of course when I became a skinhead Bella followed suit.

I still remember the day after my initiation. I was only 16, still just a young fuck, but I knew these beliefs were right. I mean I had seen those damn niggers take so much from everyone around me. Jasper and I had to complete our initiation together, he too had issues with those damn savages. He had been adopted by them at a young age, his entire life he was subjected to their constant drunken state, and his adopted father would constantly beat him so bad he couldn't even go to school. Now we beamed proudly at one another as lock after lock of our hair fell to the ground. Each lock representing our freedom and power.

Bella watched from the crowd, tears glistening in her eyes. She loved my hair and I knew this was extremely hard for her to watch. She didn't say anything though, and when one tiny tear trickled down her cheek she quickly wiped it away before anyone else had seen.

As the last lock of hair fell to the ground the guys around me began to hoot and holler as an attractive young girl was thrust onto my lap. I opened my mouth in shock only to find the girls tongue desperately searching for mine. My eyes opened as I gazed in the direction of Bella. She just shrugged her shoulders before turning and walking away.

I wanted to pull away. Everything about this girl was wrong, but this was what being a part of the group entailed. The young girl climbed off my lap and I relaxed for a second thinking it was over. She than proceeded to give me the shittiest blow job in front of everyone. Glancing over, I saw Jasper was receiving the same treatment from some other slut of the club. She was my first of many pointless fucks.

The next day when I picked her up for school I tried to apologize but she only shook her head before cutting me off.

"It's what we signed up for," she stated blankly.

She wasn't my usual Bella. After that day Bella became a totally different girl. She was tough and began to get into fights. Often she would pick them with the stupid niggers that tried to mess with her at school. Spics at least knew there place and generally tried to avoid us, but every once in a while they would fuck with Bella too and she would just go off on them. I never thought much of it, just figured she was trying to fit into her role in the club.

Since than my life's been full of fucks, drugs, and rallies. Little did I know my entire life was soon about to be changed.

* * *

**So the first chapter is considerably shorter than I plan on writing, but now you all kind of have the feel of how this story is going to go. In case you've never read anything i've written just know things always get worse with me before they get better. **

**Hopefully I'll be able to update once a week, especially since this story is hot on my mind. :) Now tell me what you think. And no your review is not the basis of my continuation of the story. I'll write this whole thing even if I'm my only reader. **


	2. Addicted

So someone asked me how Bella copes with Edward cheating and I would say her anger indications and what you'll see in this next chapter will show you enough. Also Edward and Bella had been having sex prior to his encounter during his initiation. Sorry for any mixups on that.

With my first story I promised a HEA, this story I can do no such thing. It is all generally written out in my mind and I must follow it for a reason. So if you're looking for one you may want to stop here.

Disclaimer for: language, drugs, sex, and possible violence.

SM would probably slaughter me for what I am doing to her YA characters.

* * *

BPOV

I tapped an erratic drumbeat against the window pane of Jaspers '68 Chevelle as I waited impatiently for Edward to emerge from the dark abandoned house. It wasn't making it any better that I was waiting for him to finish one of his random weekly fucks.

"Jesus Bells," Jasper scolded me at the my angry assault on his precious window pane.

"What is taking so fucking long," I said irritably, letting my forehead thud against the glass and I could almost hear Jasper cringing beside me.

"Here Bella, take a hit and chill the fuck out," Jasper said offering up the half smoked joint he had been babying for the last twenty minutes.

I brought the delicious smelling blunt to my lips and inhaled deeply, savoring the taste that illuminated my mouth. I brought the cigarette I had been smoking to my mouth as I took another sharp breath in. I allowed the two flavors to mix on my tongue, filling my lungs with flame and delight before I let out a slow relaxed breath. I licked my lips, marveling in the after taste of the weed and tobacco mixed with the salty flavor of my own flesh.

"It shouldn't be taking this long," I muttered, still slightly perturbed although the weed was quickly taking over my senses.

"You'd think after almost 8 years of doing this you'd chill the fuck out a little more," Jasper said, exhaling his own breath of smoke.

"Fuck off," I said, staring sullenly into the darkness.

Finally, after what seemed like hours, Edward emerged. He ran his hands over his smooth scalp and I felt a pang of sadness in the pit of my stomach as I thought of the beautiful hair he had lost so many years ago. He continued to run his hands across his head as he walked slowly to the car, and I knew this to be a nervous habit when he was feeling uncomfortable.

"It's about fucking time," I sneered as I hopped into the backseat, careful not to get my shoes on the holy upholstry.

Edward didn't acknowledge me or my remark as he climbed into the car indicating we could leave. We sped off down the dusty road as smells swirled around my head. I felt nauseous. There was the smell of the weed and tobacco from Jasper and I, but I could smell the perfume that had tainted Edward's skin. Visions flashed through my mind of some girls lips on Edwards, her hands tightening on his back as he fucked her.

"Got any more of that," I asked as Jasper tossed the roach out of the window.

"No darlin', all I've got is this," he said as he handed me a bundle.

I unwrapped it smiling as I slapped Jaspers bicep.

"Shit, wish I'd known you had this before!" I said, feeling as though I were a kid on Christmas.

Jasper looked at me in the review mirror for a second.

"Go ahead and have it all," he told me, and I realized my emotions were probably splayed across my face.

That was one thing I hated about weed, while it relaxed me, if I did feel an emotion it was plastered all over my face without me even realizing it. I didn't respond to Jasper as I pulled the syringe from the cloth. I inserted the needle into the hospital looking bottle next to me and watched as all of the liquid was sucked up into the vile. Goosebumps rippled across my skin as I felt the anticipation of this.

"Wait, you haven't used this needle have you? You know my phoebia of clean needles," I reminded him, and could see him roll his eyes in the rearview mirror.

"Of course it's clean," he stated simply.

I smiled to myself, not questioning him anymore. It didn't fucking matter anyway.

I wrapped the latex band tight around my arm, holding it tight with my teeth as I hit my arm ceremoniously searching for a good vein. It took less time that usual to spot a vein and I silently rejoiced as I tried to push the images of another girl screaming Edward's name from my mind as I pushed the plunger.

The liquid felt hot in my veins, and I instantly had a mettalic taste in my mouth from the needle. I licked my lips as I rested my head against the seat. The warmth spread through my entire body as I felt a sudden calm overcome me.

"Hey baby, have a hard night?" I purred as I licked Edward's neck.

This was what Edward wanted and needed. I was supposed to be the attentive caring girlfriend right? Lots of girls did shit like this, didn't they?

Edward didn't say anything as he turned in his seat, smiling at me with his gorgeous crooked grin. His lips crashed into mine, and every fiber in me screamed in pleasure, wanting more. I felt at a loss when he pulled away, and it took everything in me to keep from attacking him right here in front of Jasper.

"You know I love you, right baby?" Edward asked, his forehead pressed against mine.

I wanted to feel loved. To feel like Edward was telling me he hated fucking these girls every week. I wanted to feel like we were a normal couple.

Instead the liquid flowing through my vein could only see one thing, Edward. God was he sexy. I could mentally picture every tattoo that accentuated his beautiful body. My mind was running image over image through my head of every sex position we had been in, and all I wanted to do was take Edward right there, fuck everything else.

Thrusting myself towards him I kissed him passionately, as he groaned beneath me. Climbing over the seat to better reach Edward, I could barely hear Jasper as he laughed at hands found the hem of his shirt as I pushed my hands up his warm chest. I ground myself against his crotch as I tried to get as close to him as possible through our clothes.

"Hey now, let's not get the seats dirty," Jasper reprimanded and I felt Edward pulling away from me.

"Bella, let's do this later," he said, one of his hands resting on the small of my back while the other ran lightly over his head.

How was it that he had just fucked another girl and than rejected me? This was all just too fucked up. I crawled back into my seat resting my head against the cool glass. Where was Alice when I needed a fucking shot?

"It's Alice's initiation tonight," Jasper reminded me through my haze.

"Oh shit that's right, I think I'm supposed to pick her up in the morning. Anyone know what she has to do?" I asked, everyone had a different task to perform in order to prove themselves worthy.

"Not yet, but we're all gonna go watch, they're just getting her ready now." Jasper informed us as he turned off onto another dirt road.

It was only another few minutes before we had gotten close to the crowd, there were maybe ten people standing around. Usually nobody was invited to initiations like this, so I was intrigued to see what was going on.

Jasper and Edward pushed through the crowd with me behind them until we reached the front. We were standing at the edge of a ditch. I squinted, looking down into the darkness until I saw Alice and...somebody else?

"Who is that?" I asked to nobody in particular.

"A bum," someone behind me answered.

I felt like laughing, Alice had to hang out with a bum in a ditch? That wasn't too bad, I mean as long as she could take the disgusting smell. Squinting I looked closer and it appeared that the guy was passed out. Even better, she wouldn't have to listen to the guy if he was unconscious.

"That guy looks like he's fucking dead," Edward said nonchalantly.

"He is," a girl responded behind me this time.

"That is fucked," I said out loud.

We watched in silence as the guys arranged Alice and the dead guy together. She sat across his lap, as they draped his arms around her, so that it almost looked like he was cradling her. I wondered how long he had been dead down there. That guy probably wreaked like no other.

"Alright," we heard Mike, the brains of this operation no doubt, "if you move we'll know it. Everyone has seen how you are. Any volunteers to stay overnight and make sure she doesn't move?"

"I'll stay," I yelled before realizing what the fuck I was saying.

Mike looked over to me, assessing if I was trustworthy enough to stay. He was silent for a moment, licking his lips, his adams apple bobbing in his throat before he spoke.

"Alright, Bella. You both can leave after the sun comes up," he instructed with a nod of his head as the crowd began to disperse leaving Alice and I alone.

Alice was silent as I lay back in the dirt staring up at the stars. My mind drifted as the heroin continued to course through my veins. The wind picked up lightly as I felt it caressing my skin. I felt so at peace as I lay there in the silence.

"Bella," Alice's voice called shakily, she must be checking I was still there.

"In the flesh."

"This guy smells really fucking bad," she said, and I could tell she was trying to keep her mind off of what she was doing.

"How long you think he's been down there?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"I dunno but there's maggots coming out of the side of his fucking face."

"You wanna get out of here?" I asked suddenly bored as fuck.

"We can't leave or I can't get in," Alice reminded me.

"Who gives a fuck, nobody's gonna come check on us. Let's get the fuck out of here Bones." I said, jumping up quickly and wiping the dirt from my pants.

"Bones?" She asked as she appeared beside me suddenly.

"Yea, Bones, the girl who sleeps with dead guys," I laughed throwing my arm around her as we headed out to the dusty road.

"I like it, makes me sound tough," she laughed as she looked at the dirt, I could tell there was something else on her mind.

"Bella," her voice was soft and timid, "is Jasper going to sleep with other girls even though he's with me now?"

My gaze fixed on the dirt as we trudged slowly. How was I going to answer her? It wasn't a lie to anyone in the club or out that the men tended to sleep around, while the girls were to remain faithful.

"It's what we signed up for," I repeated as I had to Edward so many years ago.

It was silent for a few moments as we were both lost in our own thoughts. The air was warm and the stars were bright, and I still felt extremely calm from getting high earlier. I took this moment of peace to imagine my life normal. Edward wanted me and only me, maybe we could settle down, start a family, have a cute little house. My grin broke through as I thought of what our children may look like. Would they have his eyes, his color hair?

"How do you deal with it," Alice interjected suddenly.

I stopped walking and Alice stopped a few steps ahead of me turning to look at me while she waited for an answer.

"I don't," I answered after careful consideration.

"What do you mean?"

What was this twenty fucking questions?

"I beat the shit out of people, I get high, I try to stay busy. Keeps my mind off of shit. Besides, it shouldn't bother me anyway right? I knew what the fuck I was getting into when I joined. I'm the only one Edward's told he loves...I think."

It suddenly occurred to me that I didn't know if I was the only girl he told that he loved. Sure everyone knew we were a thing, but sometimes in our lives that just meant I was his steady fuck. Was he telling other girls he loved them? Did he have feelings for any of these other girls?

I tried to avoid these thoughts, not wanting the negative feelings that would dredge up in my current state, but question after question swirled around my head.

"I guess," Alice stated, "I just wish I could be strong like you."

Suddenly I felt nauseous again.

"Bones don't say that," I said, my eyes trained now on the sky as I tried to blink away the tears pooling in my eyes.

"Look the sun's starting to come up," Alice nodded towards the horizon, "looks like I nearly made it after all."

Alice grinned widely at me. To her today was the dawn of her new life. I could tell by her face that she was anxious and nervous to be more like us. To me it was just the dawn of a new day, full of the same old bullshit as always.

* * *

My update was fast yes? Figured I should since the first chapter was SO short. No "N" bombs here today.

I can't promise my updates will always be this fast but I will try to update regularly once a week. So let me know what you think. Trust me I have great things in store for you all if you can stick with it....


	3. Annihilation

AHHHH it's already been nearly two weeks since i've updated, how did the time fly so fast? Sorry ladies, I'm sure you all understand with the holidays coming up the mad rush everyone is dealing with to get things done. But oh a happy note i have watched a few movies on the subject and researched some forums {which i wouldn't advise it's kinda scary} to try to bring you the most realistic fiction story I can.

Disclaimer: SM owns all, I just make her characters be VIOLENT and say some pretty shitty things. {btw that was your warning as well}

* * *

EPOV

"So I have to add the x to the other side, and than what?" Lauren asked in her annoying as fuck shrill voice.

"And than you have to divide the integer from both sides and you'll get the answer," I answered, exhaling the smoke from the cigarette I had been smoking as I tried to hide my annoyance.

You see everyone thought I was cheating on Bella. It was what I was expected to do, it wasn't until you decided to marry that you were supposed to be totally monogamous to someone if you were a male. But after my initiation and that stupid fucking girl that kept trying to get into my pants, I decided I just couldn't do that. Bella's face would pop into my head, and none of these girls could hold a candle to my girl.

Instead I started tutoring some of the girls to help them get through school. They didn't want to be sleeping around anymore than I did, but this way they still kept their "good" reputation in the club as did I. Soon word of mouth got out about me and I had girls lined up nearly every night of the week. The guys always patted me on the back, said they didn't know how I nailed so many chicks and got such a hot girl like Bella to stick by me while I did.

I wanted to tell Bella so bad. I could tell that after weeks, months, years of her believing I was just another cheating asshole like the rest of the guys was taking a toll on her. She was using more drugs, and I had noticed that her violent outbreaks had become more frequent.

A few months ago I had brought it up to Jasper about letting her in on it, and he had quickly dashed any thoughts of that. Jasper told me only if and when I proposed to her could I tell her the truth. Thankfully I had been planning to propose to her for a while now, but every time an opportune moment seemed to arise something came up in the middle of it and stopped me from doing so.

The hour dragged on as Lauren asked more asinine questions and I tried to think of the reaction Bella would have when I asked her to marry me tonight. I had planned it for so long. I felt my palms grow sweaty at the idea that she might turn me down. Than again, I couldn't blame her. I hadn't always treated her the best, and this lie may make her think that nothing I had ever told her had been the truth.

"Alright, thanks Edward I gotta get going," Lauren said before sneaking out the back way, her hair flopping like straw as I watched her leave.

I walked out to the car and ran my hands over my head. I could smell the pot before I could see them and I knew undoubtedly Jasper had convinced Bella to take a hit. It was very unconventional for us to be drug users. Most others who followed our beliefs thought it was a sick habit to use, but we found in a town our size there wasn't much else to do but drugs, drinking, and a little rowdiness once and a while.

"It's about fucking time," Bella said with vindication as she flopped into the back seat. Her unhappiness was more than apparent as she huffed loudly behind me trying to portray to me her pure displeasure.

I could smell Laurens nasty perfume on me, and it sickened me. She wore so much of that shit, and than I always smelled like her when I left no matter the distance I kept from her. It was annoying as all hell.

"Got any more of that," Bella asked Jasper as he threw his roach out of the window.

I watched their exchange as he handed her a vile with what I could only guess was in there. Bile rose to my throat as I thought of that shit in Bella's good and pure blood. Well I guess it wasn't very good and pure now that I had tainted her with all of my shitty ways.

Bella licked my neck, bringing me from my thoughts of a life that once was. I felt myself instantly harden, but I knew she was only doing it because of the high and her need to prove to me that she was better. She said something to me that I could barely hear as my mind urged me on to show her just how much she meant to me.

Turning to her and brought her face to mine as I kissed her passionately. I pulled away, hoping that would tide her over before I spilled my guts to her in front of Jasper. I could almost hear her pouting behind me.

"You know I love you, right baby?" I asked her, running my finger lightly over her delicate cheek bone.

The drug must've been controlling everything in Bella as she thrust herself towards me, eliciting an unwanted groan as she tried to maul me on Jaspers precious seats. I heard Jasper say something, but it didn't matter what he said I knew it had something to do with his car.

"Bella, lets do this later," I told her, trying to maintain my composure as I once again ran my hand over my hairless head.

Bella's face reflected rejection and anger as she angrily threw herself down onto the seat.

"It's Alice's initiation tonight," Jasper said, looking at me with a grin as we sped off towards Alice.

Tonight was going to be a long fucking night.

* * *

Jasper and I rode in the car after just leaving Bella and Alice alone. I felt uneasy about it, something could happen to them. Jasper didn't seem to give a fuck, but than again he never did about much of anything. I was also slightly pissed since tonight was the night I was going to propose, but Bella had to fuck everything up by volunteering to be babysitter. I tried to hold back my anger as I listened to Jasper singing.

_My eyes have seen the glory of the trampling at the zoo,  
We washed ourselves in niggers blood and all the mongrels too,  
We're taking down the Zog* machine jew by jew by jew,  
The white man marches on. _

That song was made popular by some stupid fucking movie geared to try to make us look like the bad guys. Like those fucking filthy blooded animals were the victims in everything. Yet they were the ones who were the cause of poverty, they were the ones who caused the crimes. Niggers, spics, and those filthy feather heads did nothing but ruin our society. Fucking drug dealers and crackheads and drunks. They didn't give a shit about this country or the ideals it was founded on, they were just trying to fuck everything up. Our PC society was making it easy for them as well.

I laughed at Jasper singing as we headed towards The Barn. The Barn was the "cool" spot to go, so to speak. It's where we all hung out, had meetings, got drunk. You know, the usual. Tonight, while Alice was enduring her initiation we were partying. I couldn't remember what exactly for. Maybe a lynching, or some shit like that.

Greeting the guys as we walked in, I went directly for a beer. I chugged half of it without even thinking as a huge smile spread across my face. The liquid spread through my veins and with it spreading a calm in me.

"Now there's my protege," Mike yelled across the room, as he slapped my back in exuberance.

Mike was the guy who first recruited me. After everything started going to shit, he was the one who was there to talk some sense into me about the rights and wrongs of the world. White was right, and that basically was all there was to it. I saw beautiful blonde haired blue eyed white girls having babies with niggers and it made me sick. Girls were dancing in rap videos and the world was being taken over by this idea of being "ghetto" and I felt disgusted.

One day, one day we would cleanse the world of all the mongrels and animals who didn't belong and we'd kill those fucking blood traitors with them. They didn't deserve to be alive just as much as the rest of the spics and niggers in the world.

Mike told me that because I was so strong and I had recruited so many that I would be the leader of the cleansing. I would lead us to white victory. We were raising an army.

I saluted the larger than life picture of Hitler on the wall as I walked towards the back room. Jasper was finally getting his 88* tattooed on him. It was about fucking time, I had been calling him a pussy for years for not getting that shit on him already.

"Shit my fucking lace broke," Tyler said from the corner, as he held up a broken white lace to his boot.

"You better fix that shit quick or Mike will have your balls," I warned, as I checked my own yellow laces to make sure they weren't fraying in any places.

Each color had a significant meaning to us. White meant that you were a full blown skinhead; you'd been initiated and it was now your way of life and beliefs no if's ands or buts about it. Red laces meant you had killed someone. Shed the blood of another basically. Than there was yellow. Very few people had yellow laces, and I was one of the few. Yellow meant that you had not only killed, but that you had killed a police officer.

Suddenly I heard shouting from outside of the room. Jasper and I both jumped up, grabbing the bats that sat in the corner. The door opened and we were greeted by a cloud of smoke, we saw the nazi flag burning. I turned to see the window broken, somebody had thrown a bottle with gasoline on fire in through the window.

"Get that fire out," I yelled back to the guys standing beside me as Jasper and I ran outside.

I could hear the soft thud of footsteps and I began to run in their direction with Jasper behind me. There was rustling sounds before I heard a soft "Umph" as the perpetrator fell to the ground. It was hard to see in the dark as I found my way over the person.

"Get the fuck up," I demanded, as I watched as a dark figure rose in front of me.

It was a fucking monkey. He couldn't have been more than 16, and he was shaking in fear.

"What the fuck do you think you were doing?" I shouted at him, as I grabbed him by his nappy hair.

"I'm sorry, it was a prank. My friends dared me," the animal tried to say as I brought my fist back before hitting him hard in the chin.

"Fuck you!" He screamed, and I could feel the tears streaming down his face.

"Oh so the animal can dish it out but he can't take it huh?" I asked rhetorically.

"I think we need to teach this boy a lesson," Jasper stated, his arms crossed.

"Number one," I said, pushing his face to the ground as I began shoveling handfuls of dirt into his mouth, "don't fucking talk back to your superiors."

"Number two," Jasper began, "don't cry like a little fucking baby you monkey."

With that Jasper punched the boy in both eyes.

Somehow the porch monkey managed to knee Jasper in the groan.

"You fucking nigger!" Jasper yelled as he launched at the boy, landing blow after blow with the baseball bat.

I laughed as I joined in the fun. Each blow sounded like a soft pop as the boy fell to the ground. His blood stained my beat, causing my anger to rise once again.

"I'll never be able to get this fucking blood out. This bat is fucking ruined by your dirty nigger blood," I yelled, bringing the bat across the boys face causing him to fall to the ground.

Dropping my bat I began kicking the boy in the stomach.

"And lesson number three," Jasper said, pulling the boys face from the dirt as blood poured from his mouth, "don't ever fuck with us."

After a while he stopped fighting back, and Jasper and I found no more entertainment in him as we gathered our shit to leave. Jasper spit on the niggers face as we picked up our bats and headed back to The Barn.

"Don't come back or we'll fucking kill you next time ape," Jasper yelled back as we walked away laughing.

* * *

Too brutal? I know, I know it's rough. Sorry to everyone who had a hard time stomaching that. Next chapter will be worse, so prepare for it. Thank you to all who are reading, especially some of you who know the conflict of what it is to deal with people who are consumed by hate. I promise I will try my hardest not to disappoint you with this story, there is a light somewhere at the end of this story tunnel.

The song is taken from American History X, and is sung by a man named Johnny Rebel, and yes it is a real song sadly enough.

*Zog machine: {definition taking from the urban dictionary}a slang term for the Zionist Occupation Government. This is a belief that many white nationalists or neo-fascists hold.

*PC-Politically correct in case you didn't catch that ;)

*88 stands for the 8th letter in the alphabet, H, stands for Heil Hitler.

*The laces was told to me by an actual ex skinhead, aka my next door neighbor.

{hells yea guys i've been doing my damn homework, and I don't fuck around lol}


	4. Abomination

Sorry about the way overdue chapter. You know Christmas and all that jazz.

Here is the chapter I have kind of been dreading writing. There is a rape, i won't sugar coat it for you all. So if you don't want to read I would suggest waiting til the next chapter, but as for me I have to write it. The next chapter will be faster than this one was, and i'll get back on a regular updating schedule.

Stephenie Meyers made us fall in love with the, i'm making us fall out of love with them just a little.

* * *

BPOV

"Grandma Swan called," I told Edward as I fixed my hair in the mirror.

"Yea, what'd she say?" He asked, wrapping his arms around my waist smiling at the reflection of the two of us in the mirror.

"The church is having a potluck today, she wants us to stop by."

"Alright, I'll call up Jasper and we'll head over there," he said planting a kiss on my neck.

"He's already on his way," I said, watching as he situated his suspenders on his shoulders.

He was the sexiest thing I had ever set my eyes on, even after the loss of his glorious hair. The lack of hair only made his green eyes more fierce, making me feel as though he could see straight into my soul. He always wore his pants with the legs rolled up, just enough so that his black boots could sit underneath of them. I watched as he put on a button up flannel shirt, rolling up the sleeves so that they came just above his elbows.

"So what would you think about making little monsters and shit?" he asked me.

"I dunno, why you wanting some little shitting thing we'd be attached to all the time?" I asked in return, raising one eyebrow.

"Yea I thought it might be nice. Maybe settle down in a house or something. Just the two of us, ya know?"

"Edward Cullen, are you asking me to be your full time bitch?" I teased, pushing his shoulder lightly.

"No, I'm asking you to be my wife," he said sincerely, glancing in the mirrow one more time before looking at me.

"How do I look?"

"Are you fucking shitting me?" I asked dumbfounded by his nonchalance.

"Do I look that bad?" He asked, clearly confused by my reaction.

"You just asked me to marry you and how you look in practically the same breath?"

"Sorry baby, want me to get down on one knee and shit?" He asked winking at me.

"No."

"No you won't marry me, or no you don't want me to get down on one knee to propose."

"I dunno, just no!" I yelled as I ran out to Jasper's car as he revved the engine, letting us know he was there. He could be such a lazy ass sometimes.

"What the fuck's taking so long?" He yelled out the rolled down window over the blaring music.

"Edward's being a primo donna, as usual," I yelled back as I climbed in, sliding to the middle of the seat next to Jasper.

"Come on Eddie, let's get our grub on!" Jasper yelled as Edward came running down the steps.

As soon as he climbed in the car we were screeching off to the church. The music blared and I closed my eyes at the feel of the wind blowing in the windows kissing my face.

"Now remember," I scolded before hand as we pulled up to the church, "try to watch the fucks for fucks sake. We're in a church."

"I'll do whatever it takes, it's food baby!" Jasper said as he climbed out of the car heading straight for the church.

Edward and I hung behind walking slower as Edward slung his arm over my shoulder.

"So answer the question," he prodded.

"I dunno...," I trailed off watching our feet kick up dust from the unpaved parking lot.

"What baby? Just tell me," He said, stopping us and turning me to face him.

"What about your other girls? You know it's frowned upon to cheat on your wife."

"Baby, I haven't ever cheated on you," He told me, and I wanted to believe him desperatly but I had seen him enter that barn weekly to fuck a different chick at the least.

"I swear to you," he said, seeing the obvious doubt on my face, "I tutor those stupid bitches with their homework. Ask fucking Jasper."

I blinked a few times trying to register what he was telling me. I would definitely ask Jasper later, but I knew Edward wasn't going to let us go inside until I answered him.

"Alright, whatever," I said to him, and watched as a smile spread across his face.

Maybe it wasn't the most romantic proposal ever, but it was pretty fucking awesome to me. I tried to hold down my own excitement as my heart fluttered in my chest. As soon as we walked inside the door Grandma Swan greeted us both with a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"There's my baby Swan," she told me, causing me to blush.

"Soon to be Mrs. Cullen," Edward bragged, as she grinned at the two of us.

I went to stand in line as Grandma Swan barraged Edward with questions when Jasper suddenly came walking past me.

"Whoa, where's the fire? You didn't eat that fast did you? You're gonna make yourself sick and I'm not cleaning it up again!" I declared.

"Nah, the foods no good here," he murmured, motioning to nigger standing at the end of the food line helping to serve food.

Edward had just walked up next to us and saw the direction I was looking and I could hear him grunt in distaste as he saw the filth at the end of the line.

"We gotta do it for Grandma Swan," I whispered to Edward and he nodded, just as displeased as I was.

We waited as the line moved slowly, gathering up food. When we stopped in front of the salad bowl the nigger offered us food. Edward agreed and I knew whatever he was up to had to be no good. Just as she went to put the food on his plate, he moved it quickly. She leaned forward in an attempt to stop the mess and instead knocked the bowl on the floor shattering the glass and sending the punch next to her flying across the lynoleum.

"Sorry," Edward smirked, "changed my mind."

Grandma Swan rushed over to help clean up, and I told her briefly that something had come up and we had to get going. She nodded me off as she tried to keep the red liquid from reaching the carpet.

Once in the car we decided to stop and see Alice at her job. She worked at a Denny's just outside of town. We walked in and we saw her smile as she came over to us. Luckily she had just gone on her lunch break and she sat down to eat with us.

We were all laughing and having fun, spitting spitwads at one another when Alice's manager came over to us. He was clearly a spic and seemed hesitant to approach us. His voice cracked when he finally spoke.

"I think it's time you all leave," he said, eyeing the swastika tattoo on Jaspers forearm.

"Or what fuckface?" Jasper spat as he stood up, shoving into the table.

"Just please, leave. We don't want any trouble," he said obviously intimidated.

"What the fuck ever, Alice, baby, we'll be back later to pick you up," he said before grabbing her around the waist and kissing her passionately in front of everyone.

"And you fuckface, better not be here," Jasper commanded shoving his index finger into the middle of the mans forehead.

Jasper and Edward laughed as we hopped into the car, Jasper still eying the manager who was watching timidly out the window. Edward flipped him the bird as we flew off down the road, the tires spitting up gravel and dust.

We were between the two towns when we noticed her, a nigger walking down the street. Jasper and Edward both eyed one another, obviously planning no good, as they suddenly swerved over. The girl was frightened as she jumped out of the way of the fast approaching car.

"Watch where you're going," she yelled, hitting the hood angrily with her hand.

I could see the rubber band in Jasper finally snap as he slammed on the brakes, he and Edward jumping out of the car simultaneously. I watched as the veins pulsated in Jaspers neck, a sure sign that he was angry. Cracking his knuckles he approached the monkey who was brushing the dust off of her clothes. I Climbed out of the car just as the girls face lifted up, and was surprised to see it was the same girl from the church potluck.

She realized too late that she had made a mistake by touching Jaspers car, and watched as the boys threw their shirts to the ground. It was a customary move for them, they never wanted to get blood on their good shirts. She eyed the lightening bolts on Jaspers neck as she tried backing away. The boys saw her movement to quickly as she took off running into the vegetation.

Without thinking I took off after the three of them. The only sounds were of all of our footsteps crunching on the vegetation. I heard the sound of a scream and heading in that general direction, finding Jasper and Edward just as Jasper was holding her against the ground.

His hand was around her neck, a fire in his eyes like I'd never seen. I felt myself mentally cheering on whatever he was about to do to this nigger, and watched as he began to unbuckle his pants. Fear was in her eyes, as Edward held her wrists to the ground to keep her from struggling against them.

Ripping the girls pants away I watched as Jasper thrust into her animalistically, grunting. I could tell he was not satisfied by this action, he was just giving this coon what was coming to her. Edward looked up, noticing me standing there and he flashed me a smile, winking his right eye at me.

"'..," Jasper said between thrusts, his wrist gripping tighter around her throat.

Her eyes extreme white against the darkness of her skin seemed to plead with me to help her, but her actions only caused me to roll my eyes. There was a gurgling noise as the girl tried to scream, and I waited impatiently for him to finish.

"Hurry the fuck up," I demanded, "we can't get caught again, I don't want to go to jail for your little fucking joy ride."

He laughed as he shoved into her one last time, and stopped up adjusting his pants as he did. The girl lay motionless below, and Edward stood up knowing she wasn't in any position to get up after that.

"Hey what's going on over there," a voice called from the distance, and I watched as Edward and Jaspers eyes widened.

"Run," they yelled, laughing as they took off ahead of me.

Looking behind me I watched as a cop took off after the three of us. I felt the exertion of energy in my legs as the wind whipped at my hair. I giggled, feeling like a child playing tag, trying to get to home base. The three of us split up and I watched as Edward and Jasper headed back towards the car. Just as I was about to reach the car the air was pushed from my lungs as I was tackled face first into the dirt.

"GO!" I yelled to them as Jasper floored it, and I watched as Edward looked longingly back at me.

I would take this fall for them, but they fucking owed me for this.

* * *

Okay I didn't make this as gruesome or detailed as I planned, but it was really just to hard for me to write. It was what's been hindering me from update for so long. I should be updating again today or tomorrow.


	5. Accusations

Accusations

Told you this one would be faster didn't I? I smell change a comin'

Stephenie Meyers would probably team facepunch me for what i've done to her characters.

* * *

BPOV

"Tell us Bella," the officer demanded again, causing me to roll my eyes.

"I don't know what you're talking about," I retorted, my itching for a cigarette making me even more irritated.

"We know you didn't rape the girl," the female officer said to me, obviously the playing the good cop in this situation.

"If you just tell us who the two men were we'll let you walk away, no harm no foul," she said, trying to make me feel sympathy.

Shaking my head I continued to stare straight forward. I listened as the female officer beside me sighed, officer Lauren Mallory it said on her badge. I wasn't sure what it was but for some reason this officer Webster seemed to think I should feel sympathy towards that poor nigger. What I would never tell either of the officers to their face was that I thought that bitch deserved exactly what she got.

"Why are you protecting them?" she asked, trying to get under my skin, I knew what was coming next.

"They've just left you to get caught. Left you to take the blame for them. What kind of friends would do that?"

I was unphased by her observation, she just didn't understand. In the movement we were taught never to talk. They had nothing on me, and I knew I would be walking away from this to live another day with Jasper and Edward.

"Just tell us who it was," she demanded, getting fed up with my lack of cooperation.

"Look!" she yelled, tossing a file at me causing photos to slide out across the table.

"Look what those fucks did to that poor girl," she demanded as I looked down at the girl the swollen eyes.

Tubes were coming out of her throat and I imagined it was because Jasper had crushed her windpipe in his haste. I nearly asked the officers if I could keep the pictures, I'm sure Jasper would get a jolly out of having them. He'd probably frame them and hang them in his fucking room knowing him.

"We've got your file here," Officer Mike Newton said to me, cutting into my thoughts.

"Yea, so?"

"It looks here like this isn't your first run in with the law now is it Isabella?" he asked, placing both hands on either side of the table as he leaned in towards me.

His breath smelt putrid of an onion bagel and god knows what else.

"Looks like you've been able to slide through everything else, but with this on your record you could be in real trouble this time."

My eyes narrowed into slits as I eyed him, he was just blowing smoke up my ass. There was nothing he could do to me.

"You're with holding information," he said a sick smile on his face, "that'll be contempt of court. If you don't wanna talk we'll set up a date for you to see the judge."

"I don't know anything," I said again, leaning back further in the chair as my fingers toyed with the edge of my shirt.

"So be it," he said, and both officers left the room.

----------------

"Guilty," the judge sentenced, her gavel hitting the wooden block on her desk.

"Ms. Swan, you are sentenced to 6 months probation. Trust me, if I could I would give you more time. Do not miss a single meeting with your probation officer, or I will have your ass sitting in a cell so fast your head will spin."

Rolling my eyes I turned to leave but the judge stopped me before I left.

"And Ms. Swan, you are to do 200 hours of community service," she stated and I turned to look at her with wide eyes.

"200 hours?! That's bullshit!" I said to her, fury in my eyes.

"200 hours Ms. Swan. In the county the crime was committed."

Fuck, that meant I was going to have to be doing some community service in a nigger town. This was bullshit. I thought of the ways I could get my revenge on this bitch of a judge as I exited the courtroom.

Walking down the street a block I saw Jaspers car sitting by the curb. I felt a rush of relief seeing them. It'd been 3 days, since I'd had to wait over the weekend for a judge to be able to see me. Edward hopped out, planting a fat kiss on my lips before letting me in the car.

"Bones," I yelled, seeing Alice beaming at me from the backseat.

Climbing in I draped my arm over her shoulder as I recapped what had just happened with the judge. Jasper and Edward were pissed and promised to get back at that judge for me. I smirked, knowing full well they would give her what was coming to her. That fucking blood traitor protecting those animals trying to ruin our world.

"You should've just told them it was us," Edward said, but I shook my head firmly.

"No way, I would never sell you guys out," I declared.

"We have less shit on our record than you convict Swan," Jasper teased, elbowing me in the ribs.

"Yea well you guys wouldn't have sold me out either," I said, and they both nodded knowing full well they would've taken the fall just like I had.

* * *

1 week later

I sat outside the small office where I was to meet my probation officer for the first time. My knee bounced up and down as I waited anxiously to get the hell out of here. My fingers toying with cellphone in the singular pocket of my hoodie.

The door opened and I watched as a nigger girl walked out, she glanced at me briefly before sitting down across from me. I rolled my eyes, stupid bitches always thought they were so high and mighty, like they owned the world or some shit. They'd know there place once the reformation began.

"Isabella," a voice called from me from the office.

"Hello," I said politely, glad that my probation officer was white.

"Hi, I'm Rosalie," the gorgeous woman sitting across from me said.

She was the epitome of the perfect being in my world. Her eyes were a crisp blue, and her hair was golden and long. She was beautiful in every sense of the word, now if everyone could look like her.

She looked at me like I was scum as she went straight into her speech telling me that we were not friends. I was to report to her dutifully the same time every week, and if not she would make sure my life was hell. I might've liked her were the circumstances different.

"Now as for your community service. You will report to me this time next week to meet your sponsor," she said and I cocked my head to the right in confusion.

"Sponsor," what was this rehab?

"The person who will be overseeing your community service. In fact, the young lady that is sitting outside is your sponsor. I thought you two should meet today before you get started since you're going to be spending 200 hours with her."

I felt my face crinkle in disgust. That _thing_ was going to have power over _me_? Not if hell froze over, I would rather be in jail than have to report to some stupid bitch nigger.

Noticing my reaction she rolled her eyes, obviously not impressed with me.

"Don't make this harder on yourself than this needs to be. Trust me she doesn't want to be doing this just as much as you. I'd be lying if I said that all of us weren't aware of your _'lifestyle'_", she said, making air quotes around the word.

Lifestyle. Ha. Like I was some sick perverted faggot. This wasn't a lifestyle, this was the only way of life. Maybe I wouldn't like this bitch so much after all.

"Lets go meet her," she said, standing up to head for the door.

She stopped in front of the door causing me to nearly collide with her.

"Be nice," she warned as she opened the door.

"Angela, this is Isabella Swan," she introduced.

The animal obviously thought better than to put her hand out to greet me, as she grimaced in my direction. I'm sure the expression on my face matched hers.

Her skin was dark, it reminded me of the color of a gorilla you'd see at the zoo. Her eyes were a dark brown, and were nearly black as well. She was nothing special to look at, not even worthy of being put on display in a zoo.

"I trust that you two will be civil towards one another, or you know the consequences. Both of you," she said eying us both carefully, "Isabella I'll see you next week. Angela you're free to go as well."

My brow furrowed as I tried to understand why Rosalie had been treating the monkey as though she were serving time for some punishment as well. They wouldn't have grouped me with some typical nigger that couldn't keep her ass out of jail would they?

"See you next week I guess," Angela said sharply to me.

"I'm looking forward to it," I hissed sarcastically.

"Me too, this should be loads of fun."

* * *

Ok this was short, and as much as I hate them it was kind of a filler chapter. Needs to be put out there before we can move on. Now to get to the life changing. *evil cackle* :)


	6. Assumptions

Assumptions

I hope my previous chapters have inspired anger in you. However, my hope is by the end of this story you all come to realize that the way to fight hate and anger is not with hate and anger. Those who are angry and hate are those who are uneducated and do not know differently.

The majority of this story will now just be told from Bellas pov.

I know its been a LONG time since my last update...im a tad bit rusty at this writing but please go easy on me. Also I will tell you as of today, 12/31/11 I have 4 chapters left to write of this story, there will be 15 total and I am hoping by tomorrow or Monday I can post the rest.

Stephenie Meyer may be proud with the rest of this story. :)

BPOV

I stood outside Rosalie's office per her instructions as I puffed absentmindedly on a cigarette. Angela was late. Rolling my head between my shoulders I tried to keep my anger down, this nigger had the nerve to keep me waiting didn't she realize what I could do to her? There was no sense in losing my cool and fucking my probation up already. Besides if the bitch didn't want to show up I had other things I could be doing with my day anyway.

It hadn't helped that Jasper and Edward had been teasing me relentlessly since I had told them about my so called "sponsor". They liked to remind me I was under a monkeys care now by throwing bananas at me, and making animal noises.

Although at the time it had seemed humorous to me, the realization was now beginning to set in. The more I thought about being babysat by a fucking monkey, and the later Angela was the more pissed I became.

Dropping the cigarette butt to the ground I lit another one, squinting as I stared down the road willing something, anything to appear before me. I didn't want to be here, she obviously didn't want to be here, since she wasn't, and I didn't understand why we were being subjected to this since we both seemed to hate each other.

"Sorry I'm late," Angela said, pulling up next to me suddenly rolling down her car window.

I eyed the newer looking car as I walked around to let myself in. Angela seemed to be in a better mood today, and I couldn't figure out why. Probably because she lifted this car off of some rich white dude, or gave him a blow job for it.

"Who'd you steal this from?" I asked, slamming the door as I inspected the leather looking interior.

"There's no smoking in _my_ car," she said, and I noticed her emphasis on that fact that it was her car.

I tossed the nearly finished butt out the window as I sat back, biting my tongue to keep from lashing out at the bitch. I was surprised to hear classical music playing softly from her speakers.

"No really though, who'd you have to blow to get this?" I questioned again, and I could tell by the look on her face I was pushing her buttons. _Good_, I thought, _let this bitch give me a reason to end her._

"It's _my_ car," she spat again, and I could feel my blood begin to boil at her obvious lack of respect for me.

"Are you trying to impress me, your _superior_?" I mocked, pulling another one of my cigarettes from the pack. I stuck it between my lips but didn't light it.

"I bought this car. With my own money." She was curt as she eyed the unlit cigarette in my mouth. I wanted to hit her right fucking there for being so goddamn mouthy with me.

"Oh really, and you could only afford white mans music?"

"I studied classical music in college, it grew on me. You have a problem with that?" She seethed, it was apparent she had no idea how to keep her dirty little nigger mouth shut.

I sat back, the tension between us thick. I couldn't give a damn where she got this shit, or that she went to college. She was probably just used in one of those science experiments where they teach monkeys sign language anyway.

We rode in silence. I sat slumped in my seat, staring out the window. It wasn't long before we were in niggerville, and shit was it a fucking dump. Graffiti seemed to adorn every structure and I couldn't help but snort in disgust.

"You people are so fucking trashy and in your own neighborhoods it's disgusting," I said as we sat waiting at a stop sign.

Angela turned her head slowly at me as she stared at me in disbelief.

"We're not the ones who did this," she said, rolling her eyes before muttering, "you are so ignorant."

Red flashed before my eyes as I lost my temper. Wrapping my hand around her throat, I forced her head up against the head rest. The whites of her eyes stuck out in contrast to the darkness of her skin and the tan upholstery on the seat as she gasped for air. It was almost as if I could smell her fear as I moved my face merely inches from hers

"Look, I don't want to be here any more then you fucking do. The only reason I'm going along with this shit is so I can get back with my merry little life. You may be my 'superior' because of those stupid cunts at the sheriffs office, but do not ever forget," I seethed as I tightened my grip around her throat, "I can gut you in a second, and not feel a single bit of fucking remorse for spilling your dirty nigger blood."

I let her go then, sitting back in my seat. I lit the cigarette that had fallen to my lap during our discusson before I crossed my arms and stared out the windshield. I could feel her eyes on me, but refused to look in her direction as I listened to her try to calm her gasps for air.

"Now drive bitch and lets get this day over with."

So it's short, shorter then usual but I've tried rewriting it, and adding to it, but this is just how it's going to be written. Thanks for sticking with me!


	7. Atrocious

I have been getting reviews that make me... want to bang my head against a wall so consider this a mid story reminder. 1) there is a moral to this story i am NOT simply writing about SM's characters like this for my own sick pleasure. 2) this story is still not related in any way shape or form to the biker gang known as the sons of silence.

Stephenie Meyers owns all, I just make them say things nobody ever should.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
BPOV

The first few months passed by in a haze. I showed up, cleaned up whatever shit hole they asked me to for the week, begrudgingly I might add, and then ducked out as soon as I could to get back to my family.

Angela didn't seem to mind much. Since our incident in the car Angela watched her mouth better and i just tried to pretend like she wasn't even there most days, it was like a silent written agreement between the two of us.

Until one day I was working in an exceptionally disgusting place when Angela walked up to me, I tensed waiting for her jeering at me having to clean the filth of animals like her, when she grabbed a pair of gloves and put them on.

Narrowing my eyes, I rested against the mop handle I was holding, "What are you playing at?" I demanded to know.

"Just thought you could use an extra hand," she beamed as she diligently went to work.

As time went on I found Angela offering to help me more and more, filling the silence with mindless chatter. I don't know if it was because my probation restricted my use of drugs and I was just having symptoms of withdrawals, but I found that I actually didn't really mind her company, not that I would ever admit that to anybody.

It was my third month of probation when things started to really change. Angela was late picking me up as usual, but I had grown accustomed to it as I leaned against the brick building taking a long drag from my cigarette. She pulled up not to long after I arrived and I hoped into her car, extinguishing my cigarette before I did so.

Angela grinned at me, "did you just do something thoughtful?"

"Don't get fucking used to it," I grumbled, "I was just done with my smoke."

I kicked myself mentally, was I trying to be civil with this beast? This probation shit was making me soft, I decided as I tried to put my guard back up.

"I hope you don't mind," Angela interrupted, "but we're gonna do something a little different today. "

"If it's something besides picking up trash I really don't mind," I responded curtly

"I've heard you're pretty good at math," she said still grinning as she glanced at me out of the corner of her eyes.

"I guess I'm not so bad," I answered nonchalantly. I was the top of every math class in school, but I didn't know how Angela knew that.

"Why do you do that?" Angela asked as she put the car into park.

"Do what?"

"Portray yourself like you're less then you are?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I was starting to remember why I hated this nigger again.

Angela paused sensing my anger and I could tell she was gauging what she was going to say next.

"Nevermind," she finally said as she got out of the car heading towards the building.

Instead of following her I stopped pulling another cigarette out. I fumed as I tried to make sense of what she had said, but couldn't get myself calm down enough to focus. My mind instead kept going to thoughts of beating the shit out of Angela for speaking out of turn again. I couldn't believe that for a second I actually thought she was okay to be around, but once again she proved just why she was inferior to us.

15 minutes passed but Angela never came back out to get me, and I started trying to take deep breaths to calm down. I was halfway through this probation shit, I wasn't about to let myself fuck it up now by beating some idiot bitches face in. Finally after I was able to calm down enough I walked into the building.

The hallway was empty and I realized Angela had brought me to a school. Following the voices, I found myself in a cafeteria filled with about 5 students that couldn't be older than 11 or 12. Angela stood up from where she was seated quickly and walked over to me as I stood dumbfounded in the doorway.

"Listen, you've been doing really well lately and I practically had to pull teeth to get Rosalie to agree to letting you be around minors so please try to behave," she whispered hurriedly and I sensed a little bite in her voice, as she put her hand on my back guiding me forward into the room.

She paused for a second turning back to me, "and if you fuck up here you _will_ end up in jail."

I only nodded my head wondering if her plan was to get me to screw up so I'd go to jail and she wouldn't have to deal with me anymore, if that was the case Jasper and Edward would have her head.

"This is my brother Seth," she nodded towards a boy, whom I was surprised was fair skinned compared to her dark complexion, and I had to bite back a snide comment to keep myself from fucking up already.

He grinned at me "hi, if you want I can show you my comic book collection," Seth said, suddenly wrapping his arms around me.

I felt my body go rigid as I kept my hands to my side. Angela pulled him away from me hastily, a shocked look on her face as she mouthed the word 'sorry' to me, "Seth, what did I tell you about hugging strangers?"

"Sorry," Seth said to me as he hung his head, and I imagined by his dismay it was something he was told often.

Something inside tugged at me wanting to hug him back and tell him it was alright. I shoved that feeling aside annoyed I'd even had such a perverse thought.

"And this is Tyler," Angela gestured to the little boy sitting next to Seth, "he's having a bit of trouble with his math."

I stood entirely still for a moment and I felt as though everyone eyes were on me as they waited for me to make a move. I shifted my weight from one foot to the other as I weighed my options. Finally I sat down next to Tyler and I tried to ignore all the eyes on me.

"Alright," I said, my mouth suddenly dry as Angela observed my every move, "what are we working with?"

I could see Angela beaming as I sat next to the boy called Tyler. Hey it beat the shit out of picking up trash.


	8. Acceptance

Still working on those last 4 chapters, have 3 more that need to be fine tuned before posted, and then we will be done.

Stephenie Meyers owns Twilight and all of its characters, I just own a used car.

BPOV

The next couple of months working with Tyler went by great. I enjoyed helping him, despite the fact that he was black, and couldn't help but giggle when he had come running in one week waving around his math paper not making any sense.

"Miss Bella, Miss Bella," he had screamed, waving the paper around.

I had laughed as I had to coax him to calm down long enough to show me what the big deal was about. As soon as I saw that 'B' I suddenly felt overwhelmed with pride, and couldn't resist the urge to hug him. I grabbed his little body and held it tightly to mine.

"Good job Tyler," I had exclaimed as his small arms wrapped around my waist as well.

"I couldn't have done it without you Miss Bella."

I smiled at my nickname, all the kids had taken to calling me Miss Bella or Miss B, and I had to say I rather enjoyed it. I wondered if I felt this good helping one kid how it might feel to teach a room full of kids. Maybe I should look into teaching.

Tyler had run off to brag to his friends, as I stood there contemplating my future. If I became a teacher would I be able to cope with teaching multi-race children? Seeing the look of accomplishment still plastered to Tyler's face I suddenly knew the answer.

Things had gotten extremely confusing in my life since the beginning of my probation. It seemed like at home everything was exactly the same. Edward and Jasper were getting into their same stupid shit, with Bones right behind them as a blind follower. Sometimes I would just sit back and watch her and wonder just how devoted she actually was to the cause, or if it was moreso how much she was devoted to Jasper. I, on the other hand, spent much of my week now tutoring Tyler a few hours on week nights, instead of spending my whole weekend cleaning up trash somewhere or getting trashed somewhere.

When I was home things didn't feel the same. I couldn't drink or get high anymore and at first that had pissed me off. Now I found that I could look at things with so much more clarity. I wasn't in a constant haze, and I really didn't miss any of the partying. Although I still acted my part in front of everyone, but even that facade was getting harder to maintain almost by the second it seemed.

Most of my time was spent with Angela, and more and more I found I enjoyed her company and would consider her a friend if she were white, or maybe even if she wasn't white. That was by far the most confusing thing of all was, it really didn't even bother me anymore that she wasn't white. I felt anxious about what these feelings might mean and how they would effect my future. I tried to ignore them, thinking that in a month my probation would be over and I would go back to my old life and forget this whole experience had ever happened...but at the same time I wasn't sure what I wanted was to go back to my old life.

I didn't want to go back to the fighting, the anger. I didn't want to drink, or use any kind of drugs anymore. Even my cigarette smoking had cut down drastically and I didn't feel nearly as stressed anymore. The only time I ever really found the urge to do anything was when I was back with Edward and Jasper, and even with them I found my stress escalate when they got talking about the war on the blacks.

I was constantly on edge that they would be able to read all over my face the changes that I could feel had and were taking place inside of me. I worried how they would react, would Edward still love me? Would Jasper beat the shit out of me for becoming a blood traitor? I knew the consequences of any actions I may take and I feared them. Would I forever live a lie just to protect myself?

I shook my head, trying not to conquer the world right now when I should be celebrating Tyler's accomplishment.

"Hey, since you did such a good job why don't you take the day off and go do something fun," I offered to Tyler, his face lighting up even more.

"Really, do you mean it?"

"Sure, you did great on that test. But on Monday I want to see you back here bright eyed and bushy tailed, we want to keep this great momentum up!"

"Okay," he beamed, "I'm gonna go call my mom!"

Tylers' mom was there 15 minutes later, she thanked me profusely as she promised to take Tyler out for something fun that weekend since he'd done such a great job.

"You did a really good job with him," Angela said suddenly beside me.

"Yea well, it's a lot more rewarding then picking up garbage," I said, trying to play it off like it was just part of the probation.

"Okay," she said, not pushing me to admit anything.

That was something else I admired about Angela, she didn't push me to tell her things, and she didn't push me to try to change, although I knew she must notice how much different I was from when we first met.

"Hey so I was just wondering, if it wouldn't be too weird if you would like to maybe come over for dinner tonight, I'll even sign off on whatever hours you're at my house," she bribed.

I stared at her, wondering if it would be going too far to accept her offer. The old Bella in me was thrilled to think I could get some free time out of her for eating some food, but the Bella that I found myself becoming everyday was genuinely interested in the way Angela lived her life.

Did she live in a ghetto, as we often assumed? Would there be collared greens and fried chicken to be washed down by kool-aid? But then I panicked wondering if Edward and Jasper would somehow know where I'd been. Would they be able to smell it on me? Yet the bigger part of me, the better part of me, realized I wanted to see the truth, instead of being fed the truth like I had been for so many years since joining the cause.

"If you don't want to it's fine," she said, sensing my discomfort.

"No, I think I would like that," I answered slowly, "but only if you explain what you meant when you said I portray myself as less then I am."

"Deal."

Part of me has grappled all week with posting this chapter. Part of me said, she's changing to quickly in this chapter, and maybe thats so. But the little fairy that tells me to write wanted it so. And do remember I did quickly cover about a 6 month span of a probation period. And she has to fullfil 200 hours of community service which is about 25 full 8 hour days. She's pretty much spending sometime everyday with Angela which 180 days can cover a lot of ground and a lot of emotions to be swayed.


	9. Angela

Thank you to everyone who is supporting me with this. I meant to post this earlier this week so sorry about that. Will post another within a day or two, its already written just don't want to dump a whole story on you in a day.

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"Look, Bella, I wasn't trying to upset you." Angela pleaded as I felt my whole body heated in anger.

"You just don't know what the fuck you're talking about," I spat as Angela drove to what I assumed was her house.

"You're right, I don't," Angela said after a few moments of silence. "I will never understand you, and the decisions you've made in your life. And you'll probably never understand me. But I do know that you are intelligent, and yet you act so ignorant! You let everyone walk all over you when you could be so much more."

Angela's voice was even as she talked to me, which only pissed me off more. But what pissed me off the most was that she was right, about more then she knew. Both Edward and Jasper hadn't pursued college, so neither did I, not wanting to be left behind while they were off having fun.

"I mean honestly," Angela pressed on, although I was certain she had noticed my fists balled at my sides, "you never thought about college? Rosalie showed me your GPA, and the classes you took in school. You easily could've gotten in almost anywhere."

Edward and I had always talked about which college we would go to together. Edward wanted to be a doctor, but I was unsure of what I wanted to be just that I wanted to go to college. Towards the end of our senior year I applied fervently to nearly every college in the country and was surprised when I received an acceptance letter from a great number of them. Yet when Jasper had talked Edward out of college in lieu of nearly full time partying I naturally followed suit. There was never a thought of me going alone, that was simply out of the question in every one's mind, including my own.

"Anyway, can we please not fight? I just want to have a good time tonight and enjoy some good food."

"We aren't having collared greens and fried chicken are we?" I couldn't help the snide comment in my anger, and Angela just rolled her eyes, thankfully not fighting back with me.

She was right, I was ignorant. I was living in a life full of ridiculous stereotypes; a life full of unnecessary hatred.

"We're here," she said suddenly turning to me with a serious look on her face, "I should warn you..."

"Don't worry, I know to be on my best behavior," I said rolling my eyes before exiting the car, I had heard this speech too many times before. Looking up I notice her her house looked clean and like it would be spacious inside. It was painted white with a small porch in the front, it looked quaint and homey.

Seth was staying the night at his friends house, and I didn't know who else to expect to be there. I was suddenly nervous, did her parents know about me? Would they be disgusted that Angela had invited me there?

"I'm home," Angela yelled as we entered the house but nobody answered. Her house was oddly quiet although I did smell food, and it smelled delicious.

"Mom?" Angela yelled again.

"Mom got called into work," another voice finally answered sounding hoarse.

A girl walked out from the hallway and we both froze as we stared at one another. One of her eyes was swollen nearly shut and I noticed she had a limp as she walked.

Angela assessed us both carefully, and I vaguely heard her clear her throat in an awkward silence.

"Bella, this is my sister Jessica."

The girl Edward and Jasper had attacked stood before me, tears shone in her eyes and I suddenly felt the need to apologize, but my pride made me bite my tongue as I nodded my head in acknowledgement.

"I can leave, if this is too uncomfortable," I offered after a long pause, but felt myself breathe a sigh of relief as she shook her head no.

"Please stay," she said, her voice gravelly and I imagined it was from whatever damage Jasper had done to her windpipe.

I swallowed roughly as I still stood in shock. Angela smiled weakly, and I realized that had been what she was trying to warn me of.

"Have a seat, make yourself comfortable," Angela said gesturing to the couches a little further inside the room.

Jessica sat down, but I was immobilized as I stood just inside the door.

"I promise I don't bite," Jessica said, smiling meekly at me and suddenly I broke.

I was on my knees in front of Jessica as I sobbed uncontrollably unable to make a coherent sentence for a few seconds as I fought to breathe.

".," I said unable to breathe.

"Please, don't," she said, as I buried my face in shame, "it's okay."

I felt even worse, she had forgiven me already and I was disgusted with myself. With my actions. No wonder why Angela had hated me when she first met me. Was this why she had become my sponsor? To show me just how much of a monster I was?

"I'm sorry, I need some air," I managed as I lunged myself out the front door, gasping for breath.

The sun was just beginning to set, and the night air felt cool where the tears formed trails down my cheeks. I sat on the porch step, wrapping my arms around my legs as I rested my head against my knee. What the fuck was I doing with my life?

My breathing began to even out, and I watched as the stars came out from their hiding place and lit up the night sky. Maybe it was time for a change.

"Hey are you okay?" Angela asked as she sat down beside me.

"I don't want to be like this anymore," I whispered, "I don't want to be so full of anger and hatred."

"Then don't," she said matter-of-factly.

"If only it were that easy."

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Did you see that coming? Do you think Bella can really change?


	10. Absence

I just want to share with you all in my excitement that this story is FINISHED. Now I just need to reread, edit, and post and this will be done. You may get them all tonight but if not by this time next week. Yahoo!

Stephenie Meyers owns Edward, I just own a pillow named Edward ;)

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BPOV

"Fuck I missed you," Edward growled before his lips collided with my own.

I opened my own mouth hungrily allowing myself to get lost in the feeling of his touch. Edward yanked my shirt over my head his eyes feral and desperate, much like the feelings that had been growing inside of me.

"You're so perfect," he moaned trailing kisses down my stomach.

It was in these moments that the war within me was silent. Nothing mattered but us, races didn't matter and there was no hatred or discontent only our love and desperate need for one another. Edwards skin on mine, his body consuming me, claiming me as his own as we moved together as if one person.

"I love you," Edward mumbled as he nuzzled into my neck causing a smile to play on my lips, his fingers slowly tracing circles around my navel.

I looked down at him once again wondering about our future as the war inside me came raging back to life.

"What's on your mind?" Edward questioned and I tensed fearing that somehow he could hear my every thought.

"You look so serious," he remarked after a few minutes of silence as he ran his thumb over my furrowed brow.

"What's our future going to be like?" I asked, and Edward rolled over next to me laying on his back as he stared up at the ceiling, his hands behind his head as he was silent in thought.

"Well, I figured we'd get married, have some babies, you know the normal stuff," Edward said seriously, and I wondered how that could be all. What about the rest of the details?

"What will you do for work?" I pondered, moving over to nuzzle into the crook of his arm, inhaling his scent.

"Well I'll keep working at the construction company, and Carlisle has already told me when he retires in a few years he's just going to let me take over," Edward said, sounding too okay with the way our lives had turned out compared to the dreams we had once shared together.

"What about being a doctor," I wondered aloud.

"It's a little late for that now don't you think," Edward said, rolling to his side, his head now propped up by his arm as he looked down at me still nuzzled into his side as I stared through the space into his arm at the blank wall behind him.

"It's never too late," I scoffed sitting up suddenly, pissed off that Edward was so quick to settle.

"Jesus, Bells where is this coming from? Are you wanting to go back to school? Go back, you know I'll support you. I just know, it's not in the cards for me to be a doctor. I'm just not cut out for it."

"Not cut out for it, you got straight A's in school and all you ever wanted was to help others. What happened to you?" I spat turning my back to him.

"Yea, so I probably could have done it, could still do it. And then what? Save every spic, nigger and gook to walk in the door? Do you really think any hospital would be okay with me turning people away? Be realistic." Edward growled, and I could nearly hear him running his hands across his head in frustration.

"Maybe you shouldn't be turning people away," I said softly before I realized the words had escaped my lips.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Edward said, grabbing my arm now forcing me to face him, "You've worked with that dirty nigger what, 5 months and now all of a sudden you two are 'besties'?"

I clenched my jaw as I balled my hands into fists, ready to punch Edward if I needed.

"Let go of me," I said in a low voice, as I yanked my arm away from his grip, "for being smart you're really fucking naive."

I thought of how I sounded like Angela and suddenly completely knew what she had meant before.

"Fuck, Bella," Edward said, some of the anger leaving his eyes as he ran his hands over his face in frustration, "you know I'd follow you to the ends of the earth, but this is ridiculous. This can get us BOTH killed! Blood traitor or not do you think I would let anything happen to you? Do you think they would just let us walk away? Maybe you need to take some time and get your head together before you start saying stupid shit like that anymore."

Edward stood, throwing his clothes on quickly as he headed towards the door.

"I'm going to pretend like this conversation never happened, come find me when you've got your head on straight," he said his hand resting on the door knob with his back to me.

"I can't Edward, I just can't do this anymore."

His head snapped over to look at me as tears filled his eyes.

"Fine," he said quietly walking outside into the night air as he slammed the door behind him.

My hand quickly covered my mouth as I fell to the bed, pulling my knees up to my chest and began to sob.


	11. Avoiding

Stephenie Meyer owns everything Twilight, I just own a dog that likes to play with cats.

EPOV

After leaving Bella's house I didn't know where to go, so I just started walking. Before I knew it I was standing in front of the barn, and I could hear music playing inside.

Walking in, I was greeted by my fellow brothers, and handed a beer. I threw it back quickly before finding the good stuff, whiskey was just what I needed right now.

"Slow down there tiger," Jasper laughed patting my back as I chugged half of a bottle.

"Fuck off," I growled, starting to feel the tension leave me as the whiskey worked its magic.

"What's wrong with you?" Jasper asked, but I brushed him off walking into the crowd in search of something, or someone.

What I found was a young girl, she was probably barely 19. I didn't recognize her face so I figured she must be new as I made my way over to her. She was exactly the opposite of Bella. Her hair was blonde and long, her eyes were an icy blue, and her lips were plump. She wore a revealing shirt, and she smiled when she saw me oogling her cleavage.

"Hey there stud," she said in her best seductive voice and I could smell the alcohol on her breath. I felt myself began to compare her to Bella and how everything was just wrong about her but pushed it aside as I smiled back at her.

"Hey, you wanna go somewhere more private where we can talk?" I asked wrapping my arm around her shoulders, she grinned idiotically and I knew she would be putty in my hands.

We made our way up the stairs to a room I knew was always open when we ran into Jasper.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Jasper asked, grabbing my arm, and I nodded my head telling the girl to go ahead and get more comfortable.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I said, the alcohol definitely in full swing now, as I felt myself wobble slightly.

"Shit man, did something happen with you and Bells?" He asked and I cringed at the sound of her name.

"We're fucking done man, it's over," I said, my heart aching at the realization.

"What the fuck happened? Lets go somewhere and talk," Jasper said, trying to lead me back downstairs.

"Back the fuck off," I yelled, pushing Jasper against the wall, "I'm sick of fucking talking just leave me the hell alone."

I was pissed off that Jasper was trying to cock block me, plus all this sad Bella talk was ruining my fucking buzz. Jasper held his hands up in defeat as I turned away from him, heading into the room where that girl had disappeared. Fuck what was her name? I would have to ask her later, or maybe I wouldn't it didn't matter anyway.

She already had her own shirt off as I closed the door behind me. She moved over to me, pushing me back onto the bed and I felt her lips touching my chest. Internally I cringed as I closed my eyes trying not to think about how wrong her touch felt compared to Bella's. I felt her pull my dick out of my pants, and nearly shoved her off of me when her lips touched me.

"Mm baby, does that feel good?" she purred, and I rolled my eyes.

"Bitch, I don't want to talk," I growled pulling her up to me, "I just want to fuck."

I pounded into her relentlessly, and she moaned in response although I'm sure from the force I was probably hurting her at least a little.

"Oh god yes," she moaned and I felt my blood boil. This bitch just did not get the picture, I didn't want to hear anything out of her.

I contemplated covering her mouth with my hand when I heard a creak. Glancing up at the door I saw Bella standing there, her face ashen as a tear slid down her cheek.

"Fuck," I growled, pulling out of the nasty blonde as I yanked my pants on once again for the second time that night.

Sprinting out the door I tried to find her, but could only see the back of her head as she moved through the crowd. Running my hand over my head I tried to follow her but found it difficult to keep up with the amount of alcohol coursing through my veins.

"Bella," I called, to no avail, the music was too loud for anyone to hear anything.

Running outside I felt the cool air hit my face, and I saw Bella standing only a few feet away her arms wrapped around her middle as she stared up at the cloud covered moon. I stood still, unsure of what to say or do.

Finally the asshole in me spoke, "You broke up with _me,_I don't see why you're so fucking upset."

I watched as her hand moved up to her cheek, undoubtedly wiping away the tears that I had caused and I fought to hold my ground to keep from going over and wiping them away for her.

"I meant I couldn't do this," she said, whipping around to face me as her hand motioned to the barn, before moving her hand to motion between the two of us, "not this."

Shit. Of course I had misunderstood her and fucked up the most important thing in my life. I stood there before her like an idiot not knowing what to say. The barn door opened behind me and the light from inside illuminated the two of us so that I could see just how much pain was written all over Bella's face.

"Goodbye Edward," she whispered, before turning to walk away.

I went to follow her but felt two arms grab me and hold me in place as a sob finally escaped me.

"Let her go man," Jasper said softly, pain in his own eyes, "Just let her have some time."

Oh Bella Bella Bella, you should have clarified. :(


	12. Abashed

3 chapters to go after this.

Stephenie Meyers owns-nuff said

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EPOV

The next week was the worst week of my life. I didn't see Bella at all. She didn't answer when I tried to call, and refused to return any of my texts either. I left voice mails, sent texts, I even tried dropping a card by her house only to find that she hadn't been home there either.

It was the first time in our relationship that we had gone longer than a day without seeing one another, or talking, or anything!

I thought I was going to lose my mind at the thought of not being able to find her, I just needed something from her. A sign that she was okay even if she hated me. But nobody saw her, and nobody heard from her.

I felt like I was drowning as I lay in our bed. The sheets still smelled like her, and I closed my eyes letting myself get lost in the scent. Images played across my mind of Bella; laughing while I kissed her naked shoulder, pushing me away playfully as I pulled her into a kiss, the shitty way I had proposed to her.

Fuck what was wrong with me? Bella was the only constant good thing in my life, and I had proposed to her in stupidest way. But she had said she didn't mind, right?

_Yea, but she also said she didn't mind thinking that you were sleeping with other women,_ my mind chastised causing me to slap both hands over my face as I groaned in frustration.

When had things gotten so fucking complicated? I didn't have time to think about it as a thought popped into my head causing me to sit up suddenly.

Maybe Bella was with the nigger. She had grown oddly close to her since this whole probation shit. She wouldn't dare stay with her though, would she?

There was only one way to find out, I decided as I raced out the door.

It felt like the longest drive ever as I finally pulled up to the trashy buildings. Fuck, I didn't even know where to start here. How the fuck was I supposed to know where she had been working? I didn't even know what the spook who babysat her everyday looked like, just another thing to add to my shitty fiance list.

I growled in frustration as I resorted to driving down every street praying I may see someone I might recognize, or maybe even see her. My car drove slowly down the last street and I was about to give up hope when I saw her.

Her brown hair swayed against her back as she walked, grocery bags in hand. I pulled up to the next stop sign and waited for her, not caring how creepy or crazy I must look.

She was walking with a nigger bitch and I could see the coon speaking animatedly, a smile on her face as they walked. Bella's face was downtrodden but she nodded her head as the girl spoke. They began to cross the street in front of me, and Bella looked up and I could see a smile on her lips and I wondered what the nigger had said to get that out of her.

Suddenly, Bella's eyes moved past the speaking bitch next to her and met with mine directly. Her eyes widened, as she ran ahead of her new friend.

"Bella, wait!" I heard myself call, as I sprinted from the car leaving the door open and the engine running.

She was fast, she always had been, and I felt myself starting to grow tired as she sprinted away from me.

"Baby, please," I begged trying to keep up with her.

She stopped in front of a door and I saw her struggling to get the key in the lock and I knew I had my chance. Cornering her against the door I saw fear in her eyes as I moved closer to her. My heart tore into even more pieces as I realized she must think I'd been sent there to kill her.

"Bella, please talk to me," I nearly whispered, holding up both hands in an attempt to show her I wasn't going to hurt her.

"There's nothing to talk about Edward," her voice was harsh and quiet, but I still reveled in its sound after not hearing it for so long.

"There's everything to talk about," I whispered, unable to stop the tears from filling my eyes. Damnit I could not cry, especially not in a nigger neighborhood, I doubted that would go over too well.

"Fuck," she sighed and I could see her resolve crumbling as she looked around us, "well we can't talk here."

Somehow I was able to talk Bella into going to get some lunch with me. We both agreed that we couldn't go back to our town, and we couldn't stay here, so we went to the next town over.

Bella fidgeted nervously in the booth as we waited for our waitress, and I couldn't take my eyes off of her.

"Can you stop staring at me? You're making me nervous as fuck," she admitted, as she sat on her hands in an attempt to get herself to stop wringing them. It was an old nervous habit that I had always found endearing about her.

"I'm sorry, but do you realize that is the longest we have gone since we've met without anything from the other person? You scared the shit out of me, I thought I was going to lose my mind. And now that you're here, in front of me, I'm not taking my eyes off of you." I admitted, and she looked up at me apologetically.

"What do you want me to say?" she whispered, tears filling her eyes as I rubbed my hand across the back of my head pissed at myself for causing her so much pain.

"I don't know."

"How...How could you?" she said, her voice sounding so broken I wished the earth would swallow me whole.

"I don't know. I don't fucking know. Every thing's just been so fucked up lately. I feel like I hardly ever get to see you, and the one time I do you're telling me you can't do this. And how should I know you didn't mean us? I was just fucking lonely."

"So this is my fault," she said her voice suddenly void of all emotion as she stared down into the table.

"No, it was my fuck up. It never should've happened. I should've vented, and gotten drunk, but I should not have jumped to conclusions," I said, putting my forefinger under her chin as I lifted her head to look at me, "I should not have ruined the best thing to ever happen to me."

"How can I believe you?" she said, and her words hung in the air as I tried to digest them.

I opened and closed my mouth like a fish, unsure of what to say.

"Our entire relationship has been based on lies. For years, Edward, _years_ I thought you were cheating on me. And one day, you propose and magically you tell me you've never once been with anyone. It was fucking hard to believe you, but I made myself. Told myself you'd never tell me such a lie just to make me feel better but then...then I find you like that. After one fight. You didn't try to talk to me, you didn't try to understand what I was saying...you just went and _fucked_ another girl," she was nearly shouting then, a bitter edge in her voice.

I could hear her swallow loudly as she realized others around us were starting to stare. She waited a minute to see if I was going to say anything but I was at a loss for words, she was right.

"Was that all I was to you Edward," she leaned closer to me now her voice a pained angry whisper, "a fuck?"

"No," my voice felt small, almost childlike, as she sat back laughing bitterly while she stared out the window at the world passing us by.

Tears pricked my eyes as I stared down into my lap, my hands going up to run across my bare head. Slowly I watched as small tear drops littered my shirt, feeling as though the whole world may crash down upon me at any moment.

"Edward," I heard Bella's voice sounding closer now, but I couldn't look up as the tears came faster and stronger.

"Edward," Bella whispered again directly into my ear, her chin resting on my shoulder, "please don't do that."

I felt her hands tugging on my arms, and I allowed myself to give into her as she pulled me to face her. She stared into my tear stained face, almost as if she were searching for something and I wished I knew what it was so she could find it there.

Her thumbs lightly wiped away the tears, as I saw tears forming in her own eyes. Conflict was all over her face and I could see it. She wanted to tell me everything was okay, like she had a million times before. Yet something else inside of her warred, telling her that everything was not in fact okay. Would she be able to forgive me? Could we move on from this?

Bellas chin dropped to her chest and I watched her small frame shake from the silent sobs that were wracking her body.

"Baby," I whispered, and I gently tried to pull her body to mine and I silently rejoiced as she allowed me to.

"Why?" she sobbed over and over again, and I knew it was a rhetorical question but I felt like I had to answer.

"Because I'm a fucking idiot," I admitted, kissing the top of her head as we rocked gently together.

"How can we make this work?" she whispered.

"I'll do whatever it takes, I can't live without you."

"Edward," she said, sitting back from me as I wiped her tears away this time waiting for her to continue.

I watched as she licked her lips, swallowing a few times before mustering up the courage to speak.

"I can't be a part of the cause anymore."

There it was, and how could I have not seen it coming?

"You'll have to tell them," she continued, "and they'll have to kill me."

"I would never let that happen."

"So you want me to pretend that everything is fine? I can't keep doing the same shit Edward. I want to be a teacher. Of blacks, whites, asians...anybody! How would I ever be able to do that? I have had time to make my decision," she proclaimed, laying both hands over her chest, "but I don't expect you to make the same one."

But I already knew my answer, and it was Bella. Sure I didn't understand her reasoning, or necessarily agree with the decision but I also knew I couldn't possibly live without her.

"Ok, I'll go back and get a few of our belongings, get my money out of my hiding spot and we'll go. We'll go anywhere. Nobody has to know who we are, and we'll start a new life." I offered with a half smile.

"Be realistic," she whispered.

"This is realistic. You just don't get it, life without you is not an option. I am serious. We'll go tonight."

"What will you tell Jasper," she inquired.

"I won't tell Jasper a fucking thing. I'll go straight home, grab some shit and we'll leave. Please. Please say you'll give us this chance. Fuck, Bella, I'll even grow my hair back. Please."

She half chuckled at the last part as she looked into my eyes, searching for any sign that I may be betraying her.

"Okay," she finally said, "come back to me as soon as possible and we'll go."

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This is my favorite chapter by far.


	13. Arsenal

This chapters going to be short but its simple and gets to the point.

Warning "N" bombs ahead! Stephenie Meyers still owns Twilight, I just enjoy typing at night.

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EPOV

Edward sped back to his home, a million thoughts racing through his mind. He stumbled as he ran up the stairs, and a slew of "fucks" escaped him as he felt the blood trickling on his knee. After regaining his balance, he flew inside and began to throw anything into a bag he thought he and Bella might need. He grabbed clothes off of the floor dirty and clean, figuring they could do laundry once they got wherever they were going.

The smell of Bella still lingered around him, intoxicating his senses as he tried to envision where they may end up and the type of life they could lead. Maybe he really could go back to school to become a doctor. His bag was half packed, clothes strewn everywhere when suddenly Edward stopped and sat onto the bed, his hand running mindlessly over his head.

Could they really just leave? Just start a new life and forget everything? Would they really just be able to leave their families? What about Jasper and Alice?

Of course Edward knew the answer: no. They couldn't just leave, not only because eventually they would be found and killed as deserters and blood traitors, but Edward knew they couldn't live without the lifestyle. They would leave for a short time, enough time so Edward could talk some sense back into Bella and get her away from those stupid niggers and then they would come back and life would resume as normal.

People may ask questions when they returned, but maybe they would elope and just play it off to everyone that they ran away to get married and had an extended honeymoon. It wasn't a bad idea to just tie the knot anyway, Edward was ready to settle down.

Edward stood up, packing the rest of his bag full of the things he and Bella would need, making sure not to forget such necessities as a toothbrush and underwear. He was almost out the door when he realized he hadn't gotten his money from his secret stash still. Tossing the bag to the floor, he headed towards it's hiding place when Jasper barged in.

"Hey, what the fuck are you doing Edward? I haven't been able to get a hold of you all day," Jasper exclaimed his face flushed, and Edward paused momentarily wondering if Jasper knew what was happening as he tried to formulate what to say in his mind.

"Sorry, I...," Edward tried to explain before Jasper interrupted him suddenly.

"Whatever man, shit is about to go down, we don't have time for chit chat."

"What are you talking about?" Edward asked, desperately trying to catch up, mentally kicking himself that the one time he isn't around and something happened without him.

"Some nigger raped one of our girls, everyone is getting together. We're gonna go fuck some shit up!" Jasper exclaimed excitedly, pumping his fist into the air in exuberance.

"Fuck," Edward said, he was supposed to be heading back to Bella but he knew he couldn't just leave now, not when there was nigger blood to be spilt.

"Lets go," Jasper ushered him out the door as they jumped into Jasper's car and took off down the road.

"Holy shit," Edward said as they entered the barn, weapons were lined up across the floor and he could feel his mouth go dry.

Baseball bats, knives, and brass knuckles littered the floor, and Edward felt like a kid in a candy store.

"What if they have guns?" He asked to nobody in particular, as he licked his lips eager to get his hands on anything that would cause pain.

"Fucking monkeys better not, we told them no guns," Mike said as he entered the room grabbing as much as he could manage to stuff into his clothes as the others followed suit.

"What do you mean you told them?" Edward asked turning to look at Mike as he tucked a couple pair of brass knuckles into his pockets.

"When we caught the stupid nigger that did it. I thought about killing the fuck, and we nearly did but then we told him to go home and tell the rest of the fucking monkeys to be ready, that we were coming tonight and to get their shit together so we could end this. And I specifically told them no fucking guns, but just in case," Mike said as he moved his flannel shirt away from his hip exposing a hand gun.

"What about the rest of us?" Edward asked, wondering if Mike really thought he could protect everyone with that one gun.

"Oh of course, someone will be with ready in the cars with the good shit," Mike winked, as he nodded his head towards the machine guns and pistols being loaded into cars just outside the barn.

Edward felt his adrenaline pumping as he looked over to Jasper who must have been feeling the same thing as they grinned at one another. Checking one more time they all made sure that they had everything they could grab before a line of cars took off down the dirt road, dust spewing behind them.

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Did you really think it would take 2 seconds for Edward to change? It's a nice illusion for Edward, but he just doesn't think it's plausible, do you think he ever will? 2 chapters to go.


	14. Abandoned

One more chapter after this, just a quick reminder I still do not nor have I ever promised a happily ever after. Do I promise something to be taken away? Maybe.

Stephenie Meyers made Twilight, and I didn't even make my bed today.  
_-_

_Dearest Edward,_

_First I just want to say I love you more then anything in this world. You were my first: first love, first best friend, first everything. There was a time I couldn't imagine my life without you in it, and even now I don't like to think of us ever not together. Everything you said to be was so beautiful, and so perfect. I wanted so badly to believe you, but deep down I knew you didn't mean it. Well...maybe you did believe it, but I knew once you got a chance to think about it you'd change your mind. Knowing you, you would still have come with me. You would've played along with me at first, but slowly you would've tried to change me. To get me to realize that what I've been slowly coming to realize these past 6 months was wrong so that we could go back to living our own life. I couldn't let you do that. _

_I want to be a teacher, and not just to little white children. To blacks, to jewish, to asians, to anyone who is willing to learn! It is a passion I have just come to realize lately, but now that I know it's what I want to do I know I will never change my mind. I wish what you had said was true, because then you could become a doctor, like you had always planned. You could go on to save lives, and be amazing. But I know you're too damn stubborn, and with Jasper always in your ear about everything that's never going to happen. _

_So this letter is my goodbye. I left before you came back for me, and I needed to do this for me, for my future. Please don't be angry with Angela or anybody else, this was nobody's fault but my own. Somedays I hope that one day we will see one another again, but I know that is unlikely. If I ever do I know it will be the end, because I know what Mike's orders will be whether you tell him why I've left or you just let everyone believe I was a deserter. _

_I love you to the bottom of my soul,_  
_Bella_

Bella sniffled as another tear hit the page. She didn't know what she wanted to write when she started, but once she had she couldn't seem to stop. Parts of it felt awkward, Bella never thought she would have to say goodbye to Edward.

At the coffee shop everything had been so perfect, and when Bella looked into Edwards eyes for the first time in a very long time she believed every word that he had told her. Yet when they parted she knew, that once he had time to think about it he would never 100% agree.

She knew that just as she had, he would daily struggle with what was truly right and wrong, and Bella knew which side of him would win regardless of where they were or who they were around. Mike had trained him as a protege, to never give up his beliefs and start a whole new chapter were he to ever leave from under Mike's wing. He had been conditioned to handle any swaying and he would try to convert her back, and if he couldn't she wasn't able to take the risk of him killing her or giving wind to Mike where she was at.

Leaving Edward behind was a fresh start. It would just be her against the world for the first time in her life. Bella found the thought both exhilarating and frightening. A part of her was under the influence of Mike and their beliefs, and she knew that would be a constant struggle for a while.

She had been led to believe that she couldn't live without them. Without them she wasn't safe; she was susceptible to being brainwashed by niggers and blood traitors to think that their lifestyle was wrong. Even still she found herself having to convince herself of why she was doing this. To help she had made a list of all the pros and cons, and was constantly reading it over.

"Bella," Angela called, and Bella quickly wiped her eyes hoping that Angela wouldn't ask what was wrong, "are you hungry, I made lunch?"

Angela popped her head in and paused when she saw the tear stained page.

"Everything alright?" she probed, and Bella felt like her tongue was thick in her mouth as she thought about what to say.

"Thanks, I'm not hungry," was all Bella could think to reply, but Angela didn't leave and instead sat down beside Bella.

There was a moment of silence between them, but it no longer felt awkward or tense like it once had. Bella thought briefly that it seemed like a million years ago when she had first met Angela and felt so much anger towards her, and now all she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry on her shoulder.

"Do you want to talk about it," Angela asked, and Bella shook her head no.

"Can you just do me a favor," Bella swallowed roughly as she turned to look out the window, the sun was starting to set, "Can you mail this letter after I leave?"

"Sure," Angela agreed as she rubbed Bella's back.

"Bella, Angela!" Seth's voice suddenly broke in as he came running into the room desperately trying to catch his breath as he slouched over his hands resting on his knees.

"What's going on Seth, is everything okay?" Bella asked worried by the look on the young boys face.

"I don't know, something happened and they're coming! They're coming to try to kill us all! Every one's meeting downtown, we have to hurry before they get here!"

Seth didn't need to elaborate as Bella and Angela looked at one another before sprinting out the door, there was only one thing that could mean.

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Kinda a little cliffie, but knowing me I won't have the heart to leave you hanging so I'm sure the final chapter is soon to follow.


	15. Attempted

Final Chapter. Quick recap: Edward was going to try to con Bella into her old beliefs but is now caught up going to kill some people, Bella has heard that Edward and everyone are coming to kill some people. So I am sure you are all wondering, will Bella and Edward see one another? Whats going to happen with only one chapter left? Will Bella be able to talk some sense into everyone? Well, what are you waiting for, read on and find out!

Stephenie Meyers has hair and so do I, yet still I do not own Twilight.

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EPOV

We all pulled up downtown just as the sun was starting to set, the dust settling behind us. I glared at the dirty niggers staring back at us as we waited for someone to make the first move. The time had finally come, it was the beginning of the cleansing and I was exhilarated that I was going to be a part of such a momentous day.

Jasper began pointing out niggers that he wanted to handle specifically, and we all followed suit, laughing at how ridiculously easy this was going to be as we targeted niggers not caring about their age or sex.

Mike stepped in front of all of us, as a nigger walked up to greet him and I assumed he was their leader. Or at least he was the stupidest one in the bunch thinking he was brave enough to talk to Mike. He was surely the first to be killed. We all waited, our anticipation high knowing that Mike had to be the one to make the first move.

"Listen, can't we talk about this? One stupid mistake shouldn't mean others lives," the porch monkey said, I knew Mike must be seeing red, and we all waited for him to react before following suit.

"It doesn't work quite like that," Mike said calmly although I knew he must be holding back the urge to choke the stupid nigger to death as we all were.

"Come on man, he was stupid. One of your guys raped his girlfriend, he just thought he would make it even. It wasn't his best decision," the porch monkey again tried to negotiate and this time I could see the rubber band in Mike snap.

Pulling his fist back he knocked the nigger in the jaw, sending him to the ground with blood spurting out of his mouth as Mike yelled in a battle cry raising his bat above his head, "This is war!"

After that it was a sea of black and white. The niggers reacted lunging at us, and we in return lunged back. Blood spewed everywhere and it was hard to tell where or who the blood was coming from. Fists were flying, and the sounds of baseball bats hitting bodies was prominent throughout the crowd.

Hitting my first nigger I heard his jaw crack, and laughed as I saw him fall to the ground. Grabbing a baseball bat someone had dropped nearby I began beating the fucker too. I delighted this time in the way his blood stained the bat, unlike the last time I had beat someone.

_"We'll bomb your cities, destroy your towns," _Jasper began singing, and the rest of us began joining in as the blood bash continued.

_"__Wipe out the scum, kill all the browns_  
_Hang politicians and waste the police_  
_Until I'm feeling better, the murder will not cease!" *_

The song only seemed to spur us on, and to our pleasure seemed to piss the spooks off even more as they lunged at us, anger seething in their eyes. It was good to know these animals had some fight in them, it would come handy once the cleansing was complete and once again they were made to serve us.

"Edward," a familiar voice suddenly called out, and I watched as Jaspers hand flew past my face just barely missing me, I was about to ask him what the fuck was up when I turned around and saw a nigger with a knife just as he fell to the ground. Jasper had just saved my life.

I turned back around to thank him when suddenly I saw her, Bella was there. She was the voice that had called out to me. She seemed so far away, and I watched as my brothers around me beat the niggers. I was fearful what they would do to her and immediately felt myself go into protective mode. I had to get to Bella.

"Bella," I heard myself roar as I watched her hit one of her brothers. She was going to get killed for sure if anyone ever realized that she was fighting against us and not with us.

"Bella," I shouted again as I watched her disappear deeper into the sea of bodies. I could barely make out the tops of her shoulders and the back of her head as she fought her way through the crowd. I struggled to push myself closer to her as I tried to fend off others around me. Somehow I managed to get only a few people away from her when I saw it.

My heart was pounding wildly in my ears as a baseball bat rose up from somewhere behind Bella. I tried to move towards her, to get to the stupid fucker, I could almost hear the whiz of the bat as it seemed to move in slow motion towards the back of an unknowing Bella.

"BELLA!"

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Why yes, yes that is the end. I told you no promises of a happy ending. I have been pretty much avoiding review responses because I just didnt want to give it all away. But now, now is the time. If you have questions, and undying question you need to know ask me and I will answer. I ended this the way I did because I want you all to decide for yourselves what happened. If you must know how I saw it ending, by all means ask and I will tell. Thank you all for sticking with me, and sorry if you hate me for the end. This is how it's been planned since I started this story years ago. Also once I get caught up with everything I've been writing I plan on a sequel...but i have no estimated date for that.

_*_spittoon_dot_org/archives/2607


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